The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
