I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
