Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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