break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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