I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
