My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will be naked everywhere
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Randomize
