he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
