Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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