Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
