what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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