i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
