dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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