now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
