So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
