he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
