I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
cat food counts as protein by the way
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
