I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
