It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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