My brain says no but my pants say off.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
