Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This is classic penis vs brain.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
