problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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