can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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