I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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