last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
