This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
