Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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