He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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