how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
