Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
