GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
