The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
