whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
