3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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