Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
