I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
