thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
