YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
