It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
