I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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