That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
