How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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