No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
