I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
