Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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