Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I cockslap morals
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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