So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
