Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
