We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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