I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
