I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
